There is literally so much to say, I don't even know where to start to keep it short.
More simply said.... since I was a little girl I've been in and out of spaces, with both of my parents at first; then when I was in 6th grade my dad moved to Britain and my mom and I hit an all time low. At that age I was able actually begin understanding what was going on, and felt depressed. Fast forward a few years of living in motels and a terrible apt, i found myself homeless again. This was 4 years ago. Lately I find myself dealing with this childhood trauma as I receive text messages from my landlord (who I've also personally known since a child) that my mother owes 2 months of rent, and being sure to imply my inadequacy as an adult.
Every time I get a text from her I know what it's about, and I go into these crazy creative stress peaks where I crank out entire collections, projects, and whatever else I can pull out my ass. This is my way of coping because I already know that getting anxious and having meltdowns about being homeless again definitely never helped solve anything. The thing about this behavior is, its compulsive and it doesn't actually solve the problem and if so usually only short term.
As a model, designer, stylist, creative director, editor.... I am literally doing everything I can within my purpose and path to surpass this plateau I felt myself at in the past recently. Physically I can only sew, shoot, and etc so much within a day, and be in one place at a time doing if Im lucky 2 or 3 things.
I'm tired of artists with larger platforms biting from my creativity and EATING off of it while I am literally at risk of loosing the roof over my head. What more can I do? I am doing everything it feels like...
Well actually not everything. I haven't done the one thing that has been sitting on my conscious since I left.
I feel like I need to be in New York or London, my inner being is pulling me there. I can feel the universe sending me signs, and its time I stop ignoring them. Its time I take this to the next level. When I was a little girl I said I could do anything I put my mind to, I knew I wanted to be great. There were many thing I knew for sure I wanted to do and one of them modeling. So I'm moving to Uk to pursue my career modeling and expanding my business as a designer/creative entrepreneur.
I'm moving with my dad until I can get in a position to get on my feet and not only live but thrive, then I'll be in the position to help my mother. Because when I'm in an unstable and stressful environment its a constant battle with energy and stress that I did not ask for. (duh but I've been dealing with this for so long for so many years as a little girl having to hustle.. that at this point im over it. Like for once can I live my life and thrive so everyone else can with me? Hellooooo)
I'm not fake nor do I have anything to be ashamed of, I see beauty in the life's transitions so I'm sharing this blog to express that everyone faces adversity, and its best to be open to change because its going to happen anyway. Follow your dreams, follow your intuition because everyone has a purpose in life and that feeling you get is your purpose pushing you to use you as a vessel to fulfill itself. The more anything resists something, the more it causes friction, don't make things harder on yourself then they need to be. I also shared to be open with the type of help and support I need to be able to continue living and creating art.
Below is a link to a gofundme with a little more information on what I'm raising money for stemming from the topics discussed in this blog.
Anything helps, I appreciate your support! I'm also dropping a collection before I leave to Uk so definitely cop and support if you can. Sending lots of love, bless!!
BELIEVE IN YOURSELF!!!!