Time Warp

April 17, 2018

Time Warp- an imaginary distortion of space in relation to time whereby people or objects of one period can be moved to another.

 

Some of you may or may not know, but I have been going through a lot recently and doing my best to weather these storms from a state of higher consciousness, although I must say that I am not perfect of course.

 

For years growing up I've lived in an unstable home, every so often I go through the same eviction process with my family and start from ground up building an environment that I can feel at home again. For the past few years I built a workspace in a room out of my mother's apartment in Long Beach, where I've been able to expand my brand and get inspired creatively. Outside of the parking (lol), the past few years there were amazing and full of motivation up until recently when I began to feel at a plateau. 

 

I found myself unable to create because I felt suffocated and stressed in the environment. I would receive text messages from my landlord with eviction threats and immediately feel uncomfortable working there because of a personal past experience, and anxiety attacks and meltdowns get hard to control when I'm home alone too often.

After years of soul searching and self realization I decided that moving near London with my dad would be the best decision to break the redundant cycle of financial struggle. I feel my soul calling me there to pursue this creative career for numerous reasons, and not only that but my dad really needs help with his health. We have been planning my trip there for months, and so I finished a semester of school working extremely hard to catch up with designs for my brand before I left too. The months up until March 20th flew by and before I knew it, it was time for me to hop on a flight to UK. This was a major step for me emotionally, as you can imagine I was leaving my mom in the US without a stable situation, my friends, and creative network. Getting on the plane was bittersweet, although it felt amazing knowing that I had a successful creative work streak before I left and just took a leap in faith to really follow my dreams. 

 

When I arrived at the airport a series of unfortunate events happened that I'll eventually speak on (with time) but to make a long story short my dreams were shot down and I was sent on the first plane back to where I came from. I spent the first few days back in La in my room trying to process everything that happened and being open to the change directed  by the universe. I handled the situation extremely well until I received another triggering text message from my landlord, a weird incident and some unwilling time spent alone.. then I found myself falling into negative thought patterns. Feeling incompetent, and just stuck... back in the room I spent so much time working to grow from. I couldn't surrender to my emotions, I kept fighting them; feeling anxious and melting inside. I just couldn't believe that I spent so much money on tickets to not even make it to the modeling agency I dream of being signed to, my dad and.... ahhhh super sad face.

 

Its been 5 days.. almost a complete week has went by and I've only gotten the amount of work done that normally I'd plan for one day. I spent to much time and mental space anxious that it literally feels like its been one day since i've gotten back; and this usually makes me even more anxious but today I finally had some alone time to reflect and come back into presence. I said all that to say that IM BACK IN LA, and I'll be back like never before. I'm taking some time to make sure my home situation is stabilized and arranging projects I already have going then I'll be back on the scene ready to connect with new creatives and finding ways to support in the creative community. Although i didn't make it into Uk this time around, I'm working on paperwork that can reassure I will the next time; I'm not giving up on my dreams. I believe I can do this, and even through the tougher times its important to affirm that and share my story for those who may relate. 

We all go through things, we're all still learning, and we all need time for ourselves every once and a while. Learn from my lesson, and take that time for yourself when you need it. Face your problems, because when your meltdowns over they will still be there. Take it one step at a time, one day at a time but take that time!

Bless you, thank you for reading and being apart of my journey.

-Melianj

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